Donatella’s a tumblr girl at heart: Versace S/S 2019

House of Versace, kept on the top by the amazing Donatella, never disappoints me during their men’s fashion week presentations. The woman-powerhouse worked really hard over that past twenty years to keep the brand relevant, luxurious and interesting. Versace’s original codes has been kept authentic, appealing and surely stood the test of time, which wasn’t that easy to maintain, for sure. With this year’s MET Gala being a success, brand’s anniversary and a current menswear fashion week in Milan going on, Donatella Versace’s mind must be, just like her entire universe, dominated by work.

During this year’s men’s fashion week Donatella presented a collection filled with pieces we’d definitely expect from the house as well as Versace’s interpretations of current, ugly in my personal opinion, trends that should be avoided at all costs. Nevertheless, it’s nice to see Versace adapting the game’s rules to their own, Italian, golden, iconic Versace universe.

With the first model walking that grey marble floor, underneath beautiful pink flowers hanging from the ceiling, you could feel the Balenciaga’s trendsetting power, that should end as soon as possible – god, please. Opening walks were full of these, extremely popular nowadays, “my dad goes gardening” chunky trainers, baggy jeans and oversized suits and blazers that looked like taken from some Madonna/Blond Ambition cosmos of office porn.

I loved the professionalism and quality of Versace’s shows. Casting is always on point, full of beautiful individuals, and this was no exception. Hip-hop kinda music in the background made me feel like I’m watching some Versace goes Wang thing, in a good way. After Demna Gvasalia’s wet dream of post soviet imagination, the next outfits – cool, funky, made me like the collection a lot.

As usually there’s a lot of branding going on. Versace’s logo on hip-hop influenced garments is presented in many of its forms. I liked the newspaper-inspired prints styled together with classic leather accessories. Leather coat with a clear snake skin on it(see above) is definitely my favourite piece from the collection.

Whilst fellow Italian designers, Dolce and Gabbana, constantly send their five foot seven “models” (irrelevant celebrities and awkward singers) down the runway to the sound of cheesy TOP40 tunes, superhouse Versace gives us yet another professional piece of high fashion to enjoy. She smokes Marlboro and drinks champagne!

Pictures: Vogue.com

We wore Balenciaga at 10

I remember doing some, so called, modelling in Warsaw in 2013 and ending up in Vitkac one gloomy afternoon. It’s Poland’s first real department store selling high end brands exclusively, opened for these few thousand polish citizens who can afford brands commonly worn in western countries. We didn’t want them(these businessmen, TV personalities and WAGs) to throw money away on flights to London, so we transformed one of depressing, marble buildings in central Warsaw into that, many would say, haunted house, where sad sale advisors on minimum wage hide behind poorly merchandised rails to yawn and check the time.

So I walked in there with someone, I don’t remember the name, but probably one of my seventy four ex husbands. After walking past Saint Laurent Paris, back then still known and displayed as Yves Saint Laurent, we took a luxurious escalator upstairs where I saw these unique blue trainers. Displayed in the centre of fucking everything, on some silky, shitty tissues… I moved my hand towards the shoe and felt the earth below my feet shaking, temperature going up, all eyes of sales advisors on me: “don’t touch the holy grail, you poor fuck”. But I did it. Whilst holding it in my hand I started studying it like Prince studied the Bible. Then I noticed the logo printed on the inside. BALENCIAGA. Back then I thought: that’s the real luxury.

Few years later I found myself in the middle of the London mess. Together with my friends fashionistas, we consumed Frappuccinos on hungover and spoke about this new guy who started changing the game. Demna Gvasalia, designer from Georgia, who worked at Maison Martin Margiela before, created extremely popular and expensive brand Vetements (read: vet-mo). Just like Amy Winehouse into the music mainstream, he brought nonchalant I-don’t-give-a-fuck attitude and image into the pompous world of white shirts and colourful dresses. Gvasalia transformed things unfashionable and common into a luxury business.

It all started with Vetements. Success of the brand he started, transformed him into the fashion power he is today. His brand became popular thanks to oversized jackets and death metal sweatshirts that were originally meant to imitate clothing worn by people who, well, don’t give a damn about fashion and changing trends. Oh no, pardon me, I think the ironic DHL t-shirts were first, and irony is the most important word here, apparently.

“Irony is both about making you smile or laugh, but it can also be quite painful because it asks questions. With irony you can ask questions that are delicate, but there’s a thin line between irony and sarcasm so I have to be careful not to overstep it. I made a bag for my first men’s show at Balenciaga, which was based on the classic Ikea bag. It was ironic but also authentic. I used the blue Ikea bag during my four years as a student in Antwerp, due to its size and its price. Fifty percent of all students had the same bag for the same reasons, When I did it at Balenciaga I recycled leather that the company had on stock from previous collections, and I finished it as a luxury product. I meant it as an ironic gesture in part, taking something really cheap and moving it into the luxury realm. But it’s authentic too, and that’s why it’s been all over the internet by now. People can relate.”

Demna Gvasalia in an interview with Business of Fashion.

Demna’s idea to appropriate clothing used in the late eighties and nineties by working classes of Europe isn’t anything particularly shocking. Designers tend to go through different moments in time, political environments or historic events whilst looking for inspiration. In the case of Balenciaga’s reinvention, the most surprising thing is Gvasalia’s consistency. It’s not like after one season of selling tired, high waisted jeans, he took an inspiration from the Olympics and sent models down the runway in swimming trunks. He fucking didn’t.

Post soviet aesthetic became permanent for Balenciaga and remained a strong inspiration for Vetements. Designer himself is unlikely to name this inspiration in his interviews, or maybe I just wasn’t looking properly enough. But polish fashion journalist Michal Zaczynski in an article written for London-based magazine, said:

I dislike Vetements and Gosha Rubchinskiy. Same with that new Balenciaga under direction of Demna Gvasalia. They remind me everything that was the worst in the 90’s, and they’re unlikely to raise any nostalgic feelings in me.*

I guess you have to be from Eastern Europe to understand the “worst of the 90’s” part. Chunky trainers with ridiculously shaped soles made of many pieces of leather sewn together? Big ugly trainers like that? My teacher in primary school had a pair, worn with almost square-shaped blue shirt, which looked like someone was making a computer game character that lacked most polygons. Men wearing casual blazers that were way too big? That was all they could get from second hand stores. You couldn’t just order your size online and wait for a DHL courier to deliver your parcel after 10 hours, like Amazon Prime.

I remember the popular Vetements sweatshirt my friend owned in 2016. Long, red with a slogan: May the Bridges I burn light the way. Everyone was obsessed with it. Dark, gothic, tumblr-alternative vibe Demna Gvasalia created for Vetements is something I’d like to remember. Balenciaga reminds me of old furniture, drinking black coffee from transparent thin glasses, playing Pink Panther point and click adventure game on Windows 98 and wearing ugly grey sport sweaters because there was nothing else. And I’m not even from the eighties.

(*translated roughly from polish. The original English text not available at the time of writing this post, as magazine’s website crashed)

Remembering Lee: few words about Alexander McQueen then and now.

“You dumb bitch”, I thought while talking to this white, privileged middle class born girl. I met her at one of the London Fashion Week afterparties. After going totally crazy and trying something she’s never done before (drinking beer, like, ugh, working class) she left her 6’5 tall boyfriend inside the pub alone with some Swiss models and went outside with me for a cigarette and a chat. “You know what, Thomas” she started, “I totally love TK Maxx. Once I found a blazer that looked totally like Balmain… I love Balmain…”. I had a quick look at her perfectly clean Gucci Ace Sneakers, brighter than my future, then at Zara uniform trainers I was wearing. “Yeah, I know what you mean…” I answered and slowly exhaled the smoke in the direction of her face.

I really wanted to buy my first designer pair of shoes, but I simply couldn’t afford it. I’m also not good at saving money – sorry, but I’m a boy who goes to Asda after work to buy a £40 champagne just because the work was tiring… With a price tag of good few hundred British pounds I knew I had to come up with some idea. I decided to quit my job then, as I wanted to get extra money for all the earned and unused holidays, in order to be able to purchase… £400 trainers.

Well. That job was shit anyway.

Alexander McQueen is a brand founded by Lee McQueen, Stratford boy with Scottish roots, accepted into Central St. Martins thanks to his unbelievable skills in cutting clothes. Son of a taxi driver, boy who dropped out of school to work as a tailor in Mayfair, later got accepted into one of the most prestigious fashion schools in the world, became the artistic director of Givenchy and after leaving above mentioned house, created one of the most relevant modern fashion brands, owned by “The Gucci Group”, Kering.

One of the tutors at St. Martins, for the interview used in documentary “McQueen and I”, admitted not treating McQueen seriously at the time. No wonder, guy was the same age as students of the school. He got offered a place though, and started his new journey (hate that word) as a MA student of fashion design shortly after.

His first fashion shows were brilliant in their own rebellious and chaotic way. Often organised in old Warehouses or once, even in the actual church, left everyone shocked or even disgusted. Models with their boobs hanging out, sanitary towels, blood – a bit of hardcore porn, a bit of high culture…

Alexander McQueen was never a brand created just to make money. Lee’s collections, with time becoming more and more spectacular and theatrical, were always an honest representation of designer’s feelings, personal demons or views on certain things. With brand getting more recognition (and financial freedom), as much as fashion shows becoming more expensive, McQueen’s label got associated with its own permanent aesthetic – dark British romanticism.

After designer’s tragic death in February 2010, just few days before his own mother’s funeral, Sarah Burton who had worked with McQueen over the years, became brand’s new creative director. Keeping the influences more or less where they were and should stay. Post-McQueen McQueen includes a lot of royal embroidery, sharp tailoring, death symbolism and melancholic references. All of that served with a decent dose of punk energy.

Plato’s Atlantis, which is the name of last collection Lee McQueen designed, is often described as his absolute best. Armadillo shoes that Lady Gaga wore in her Bad Romance video, together with bell dress are two of many pieces that will stay with us forever.

McQueen once said that he’d like to be remembered as the one who started 21st century in fashion. In my opinion though, with his disappearance, the artistic, wild and rebellious part of the game also faded away.

God save the Queen

God save McQueen

5 best collaborations between H&M and a luxury brand

Let’s make this clear: you didn’t sleep well, work was exhausting, then it started raining on your way back. Pressure in your left tyre was really low, or you missed your bus… Coming home after all, sad, tired, annoyed. Looking at the mirror, you think, oh. Oh no. I’ve just spent another day of my life not wearing designer brands!

Who knows that feeling? Hmm? You don’t have to worry though. You can keep sleeping like a baby on your £19.99 Ikea bed, because your old friend H&M comes with a mission to spread love, positivity and sell clothes produced in Cambodia that are meant to be like Versace, Balmain or Kenzo, and what’s most important here – make you feel like you’re really wearing these brands. We all want to look cute, attractive and cross the town square with confidence while hot football loving boys stare at us wearing these breathtaking outfits.

Not feeling like buying your white t shirt in Valentino on Bond Street, where you can’t even afford to breathe? Thank god Swedish chain, which on a daily basis sells Justin Bieber hoodies, £5.99 t-shirts, Justin Bieber hoodies and Justin Bieber t shirts(what a variety) once a year makes a collection with a popular (in most cases) fashion brand. It all started over ten years ago, with names as inspiring as Lagerfeld or Comme Des Garçons. After many years of success, which in this case means people literally killing each other on the launch day, spending long long hours queuing, and then reselling clothes for at least twice its price on EBay, H&M keeps riding this profitable bike.

The newest collab between tasteful Swedes and a high end giant will drop this November and we can definitely expect something interesting as this year’s brand is Moschino. To mark this occasion, I chose 5 of my favourite H&M collaborations so far.

5. Erdem for H&M

The first one on my list is the collection from last year, that happened to be so interesting, it reached out to a lot of my friends, even though the brand itself isn’t that famous and operates only in the world of womenswear. Canadian-Turkish-English designer (oh god, this guy must have a lot of passports) designs pretty vintage looking garments with flowers on them. To promote the collection, H&M made a short film directed by Baz Luhrmann, that tells a story of two gay boys who hooked up at a dinner party in the old castle while old lady was watching. Sounds chic.

Despite the ridiculous idea, I enjoyed the whole concept of working with a brand that’s both luxurious and relatively unknown to the general public. It was also the only chance to ever get your hands on Erdem menswear, as the brand only sells womenswear as mentioned before. Silky pyjama looking floral outfit is definitely my favourite here.

4. Balmain for H&M

Balmain’s creative director, young and beautiful Olivier Rousteing knows how to play the game. Few years ago, when his brand was on top of the game(it still kind of is, though), they announced the release of a collection with H&M and world went absolutely crazy. Favourite brand of all the Jenner-Kardashians, that sells clothes looking rich, expensive, covered in heavy golden embroidery, tons of pearls and other sparkly shit like that – it all made people wait for long hours, just to get a t-shirt saying “Balmain London” or “France” or just “Europe” if you’re from an irrelevant city, which of course is a cheaper copy of £185 Balmain logo top.

The collection is the typical Balmain rich and famous show-off style we all want and love – leather joggers, biker jeans, evening double breasted blazers, heavy embroidered bomber jackets, leather jackets, military style overcoats… With a campaign starring Kendall Jenner and Gigi Hadid, and a strong TV advertising that in fact, started after the collection officially sold out, everyone was talking about this, well, beautiful mess.

3. Alexander Wang for H&M

Sex sells best. Things that lead to it sell almost as good. Sportswear is one of these things. Guys who look like they’re going to the gym will always seem sexier than ones that look like a fucking Christmas tree. Period.

Alexander Wang is one of the smarter designer of our times. His garments often black, inspired by hip hop culture, are very wearable, appealing and versatile. His love for synthetic sport and Activewear related fabrics can be seen in his collection for H&M

Who wouldn’t like to see guys running around in designer leggings and neoprene sweatshirts? Or girls dressed like they just came back from a casting to the newest Tomb Raider movie? This collection gave us something fresh and attractive and filled The blogosphere with overwhelming amount of WANG hype. Yasssssss.

2. Maison Martin Margiela for H&M

Just a moment before John Galliano took over the Margiela fashion house, the brand created an artistic collection, some sort of throwback Thursday selection of what the legendary Belgian designer introduced to people in the past. Full of crazy, typical for Margiela ideas, such as painted shoes, painted jeans, reversed jackets, sweaters made of football scarves, fur coat, crazy necklaces, duvet-coat (amazing). I remember buying myself a sweater illusion long sleeve top and a pair of Chelsea boots painted in white, that I never wore in public, because at 16 years old, I was too scared of people’s reaction.

Avant-grade collection wasn’t a commercial hit, but gave us some of the most remarkable pieces ever created in a designer collab. The quality was amazing and online hype for a camel coat that Kanye West wore to the launch event – mental.

Versace for H&M

Some people just play by different rules. I’m rich bitch, I’m the upper class sings Lady Gaga, in her 2013 song about Donatella Versace – woman who takes kitsch to such Italian, such fabulous level that everything can be forgiven.

Donatella first refused to work with a high street chain, which made the whole collaboration even more exclusive when the project was finally announced. Collection full of pink, sparkling dresses worn by blond runway heroines and men’s patterned suits and leather jackets made an amazing glamorous impression. And come on, Prince performed at the after party, everyone lost their shit.

Gucci or Prada? What are the differences between two Italian fashion giants?

“It’s time for this brand to tell another story.” Said Alessandro Michele, Gucci’s current creative director during his interview for New York Times. Charismatic man that seems like Gandalf or Dumbledore mixed with an impressionist artist, just like Monet, paints his dreamy, colourful and bohemian visions on the canvas of current fashion world. At the same time, Miuccia Prada, 68-year old granddaughter of – back then – just a luggage company’s founder Mario Prada, sends legions of serious looking boys and girls down the runway in their nylon jumpsuits and futuristic sneakers.

“I left home at 18, which is very strange for Italians, because we’re very attached to our families(…)” said former Givenchy creative director, Riccardo Tisci. This sentence really makes sense when you look at big Italian fashion houses that still rule the world today. Prada is one of the brands that kept their business in the family, without any external directors being involved. Founded as a luggage company by Mario Prada in 1913, eventually ended up in his granddaughter’s hands in 1978. Ever since then, Prada company kept on changing and evolving, at the same time staying loyal to its unique aesthetic.

That has not always been the case with Gucci though. Since the death of company’s founder in 1953 the brand had many creative directors, including Tom Ford. Despite being one of the most important names in fashion, Gucci changed its vibe many times in the past, most recently transforming from kitschy, stereotypically luxurious designs to dreamy, nature inspired pop story with a royal vintage finish.

Prada

Unlike the most of Italian brands, Prada’s style is NOT about obvious sexiness. While Donatella Versace’s team throws another tight, silky red dress with golden details at some terrified Eastern European model and yells: wear it!!! Be a strrrrrong woman, Prada keeps doing her thing. Brand’s collections often include blacks, whites and beiges, as well as futuristic shapes and synthetic fabrics. It’s Miuccia Prada that started using military quality grade nylon to produce bags, in order to innovate how we look at luxury.

Mrs Prada admits to dislike snobbery. Most of her designs don’t include an obvious reference to brand’s logo. At the same time though, you can’t walk past a person wearing something Gucci, without thinking: “Oh, wow, isn’t that Gucci that belt over there? I’m such a poor fuck”. Insects, butterflies, red snakes, cartoon ghosts, GG monogram… there are so many symbols that scream Gucci immediately, while at the same time, Prada is more about reversed snobbery, making luxury recognisable for only those who belong to so called elite and know the specific aesthetics.

Picture of Miuccia Prada

Because of non aggressive branding, themed designs Prada comes up with every season often get copied by high street brands without general public noticing the similarities. For example Zara’s current collection featuring pages of comic books printed on garments like shirts and tops is a direct copy of Prada spring/summer 2018 collection.

Prada:

Zara:

I am not saying Gucci doesn’t get copied. It does, at least twice more often. But general, Zara and H&M consuming public is more aware of how Gucci stuff looks like, while more old school luxury stays, well, old school, that actually stands for: unknown.

Unlike the boy who went to the moon and never came back, I mean Alessandro Michele, Miuccia Prada doesn’t consider fashion an art. “My job is to sell” she says. And, well, she does sell a lot. Despite her pieces being often impractical or just pure strange, Miuccia’s net worth is 6.8 billion dollars, which makes her the richest female designer alive.

Gucci

The man who brought WAG’s favourite brand back to life – Alessandro Michele. At the beginning of his journey with Gucci, Michele was asked to design a replacement ready to wear collection in just five days.

He hasn’t been creating for Gucci for long, but already managed to come up with brand’s most recognisable image so far, and I’m not afraid to say that. And come on, his work helped him with making friends with Jared Leto and Lana Del Rey.

Gucci’s creative director Alessandro Michele

Despite being amazing at sales and designing wallets every gal and lad want, from Portsmouth to Stirling, Alessandro is responsible of some weird phenomenon, something I call high fashion appropriation.

Current Gucci is like a smoothie made of The Great Gatsby, fantasy stuff like World of Warcraft, 17th century’s aristocratic style, Rae Sremmurd, Supreme and a headache. From already iconic pieces like Ace sneakers or t shirts with a fake logo, to more extravagant outerwear and colourful knitwear. Alessandro Michele’s usage of colours is like a village girl on the prom night – good intentions, diamond heart, trying her best, excited and passionate… but the final effect – not necessarily good.

Gucci’s policy when it comes to brand reception is completely different from Prada’s. For them, the more people talk, the better. Even if those people are not the real customers. Hip hop kids? Let’s go! Gucci Gang? Whatever that means! Belgian hipsters hungry for some dope specs and green Alice in Wonderland wool coat? Let’s give them that? Rappers wanting to look like they just shot 5 people outside their mansion? Why not!

Don’t get me wrong. Michele is a genius of his kind that makes pretty things and most importantly – does his job very well. One word: revenue.

My favourite London clubs and bars: Birthdays

From the beginning I knew one day I’ll just get this overwhelming feeling, stand up while Lana Del Rey’s song is playing, drop my glass of red dry Tesco Finest on the Ikea carpet and whisper to myself: oh baby, oh baby, I’m in love, then start writing a post.

I’m not in love, thank god. It’s just a dramatic intro.

I love discovering new places, and even though I currently live in Glasgow, I don’t know much about the city and its unexplored corners… And I want to be honest with you guys, just like 18 year old boy is honest about his first chlamydia with a nurse at the sexual clinic in Archway. That’s why today I’d like to present you with one of my favourite London bars. Because I’m a drinker first, and a human being second. And also because half of my time in the capital I had spent out, living my 2007 Paris Hilton Wannabe life, and I feel like I have a responsibility to educate…

In my first post I have mentioned some misconceptions polish people have about London, and United Kingdom in general. Not gonna lie babes, I thought I’m gonna get outta National Express in vintage Prada sunglasses and just naturally receive all of them invitations to Kensington and Chelsea clubs, I’m gonna twerk with Toff while “Good Time” by Paris Hilton is playing.

But that wasn’t the case. You walk down the Westminster Bridge and motherfucking Evening Standard that someone dropped on the pavement hits you straight in your face. Shortly after you get asked by Japanese tourists to take a series of pictures of them with London Eye in the background. On the bus you sit between a guy who would marry his Kebab if that was legal and someone who smells like vodka from 5 New Year Eves ago that someone forgot about.

After surviving the day, long shift, hour or two on the bus/tube to wherever-in-zone-ten-you-live, you go on social media and connect with your friends. Most of them are skint, lazy, busy consuming their new lover’s body parts or writing an essay on how e-learning influences small businesses. But don’t give up, you warrior! There will always be one who’s getting over a breakup and needs to lose any leftovers of self respect on the dance floor in Heaven on Monday night, or a mate that just bought new Balenciagas and needs someone to take pictures. And what’s better for that than a night out? Let’s go places together and pretend we can afford that!

Birthdays

Dalston, East London. A place where you are likely to see young children stealing sandwiches from Tesco, hear gunshots, and just one moment later – notice extravagant Millennials wearing Alexander McQueen, vintage Burberry and, of course, Champion. Don’t want to be a hypocrite, I bought many things in this designer second hand they have there(Storm in a Tea Cup it is called) in my time, just struggle to cope with wealthy and bored taking over literally every single poor neighbourhood in the country.

The mechanism is simple. Certain people need certain places in areas they live in. Together with hordes of alternative people coming in, new places open. Dalston Superstore is a perfect example of an overhyped, claustrophobic shithole that’s being a response to what local community wants.

It’s a place where youthful crowd drinks Espresso Martinis, talks bullshit like: have you seen that collaboration between Gosha Rubchinskiy and Palace? or I’m thinking about squatting, to save money and go travelling, to like, I don’t know, Kosovo? What do you think?

Not my vibes. But just a two minute walk down the road, there’s a place called Birthdays, which probably is my favourite London bar. Funny enough, every single time I was there, at some point of the night I’m a slave 4 U by the one and only queen Britney Spears came on. It’s a place to be, then!

First time I ended up there, me and my friend met this amazing Italian bartender, probably the friendliest and most fun to be around bartender I have ever met. And she does great cocktails too, even though she has no clue how to make them… Later that night, my friend Ruby convinced a group of STRANGERS they should buy us alcohol and we will let them make an after party in our flat. Struggle was real.

That place reminds me of the best nights: handsome lads smoking outside, great music, my embarrassing conversations with staff. I organised my leaving party there, and I can only say one thing. When you wake up and your bank balance says £2.14 – it means something. I can’t think of a single person that wouldn’t want to go Birthdays and just for once – sit down comfortably without looking for a free seat for forty five minutes.

What’s with this whole difficult partying culture? Especially in London, people are going out to particular clubs just for the sake of being there among everyone else. Spending valuable time with people you sleep with for money like, friends, even workmates, stopped being relevant, or at least disappeared from the front row of priorities.

After an afternoon filled with posting stuff about how epic tonight is going to be, we then spend fifteen minutes in the queue trying to buy drinks, twenty trying to use a toilet, forty waiting for people to go the fuck home so we can have our sits back after a fag break… fabric, Heaven, G-A-Y Bar, Dalston Superstore, Friday, Saturday… it’s all like Madonna – a never ending story.

See you in Birthdays! No matter if you’re a fan of cocktails or just want a cheap lager, if you want to sit down and talk about Drag Race and your manager being a dick or dance in the club downstairs – we’ll have fun there.

birthdaysdalston.com

Equality, feminism, gender roles… My thoughts on Amy Schumer and her new film “I feel pretty”

Amy Schumer is probably the most hated stand up comedian on the planet. Constantly criticised in America for her controversial jokes and topics she likes to choose for her TV and stand up content, but somehow still influential and loved by lots of famous people in the perfect world of showbiz, glitter and NYC penthouses. I’ve heard her Netflix special was the first one ever to receive a one star rating from the viewers. Well, I admit that her performance in that one didn’t set my knickers on fire, no fire brigade was called to Shettleston while watching, but the general reception of her work still surprises me. In a bad way though, as it shows how much more we have to learn in a modern society.

For those who are not familiar, Amy jokes about her vagina, periods, sex life, relationships with men and other widely known but not spoken about awkward topics. It’s Friday night. Legions of young Americans, armed with alcoholic beverages, ice cream, french fries, whatever, can’t wait to see Beyonce performing on TV. Their heart rate influenced by tons of Diet Coke, peri peri wraps from nearby BBQueen Grill restaurant and Beyoncé’s empowering lyrics and soul lifting dance moves is faster than bullets of their guns they can legally purchase after turning 18. Beyonce is so amazing, so empowering, such a great example for young girls, black women, people of colour – that’s something most of people would say. I like Beyoncé too. She’s an exceptional performer, her songs are great and I love singing along to Love on Top after eleven £3.30 vodka sodas at 2:31 AM.

I just don’t understand how one performer can dance provocatively, sing about sex and use curse words and everyone including Obamas, Oprah, middle aged housewives and white millennials with student loans bigger than Beyonce’s career itself go crazy, when the other is being called unfunny and trash. But Tom, she’s just not funny, that’s all. Ok, but come on, let’s get real – when you don’t enjoy something, you just change the channel or do something else with your time – go shopping, go to the gym, fold trousers, yodel at Walmart… but some people, quite a lot, choose to make “Amy Schumer cringe compilations” and post them on YouTube.

Recently, I met one guy from the States and invited him to come over. We had a chat about differences between American and British TV, especially chat shows. I told him how much I love Graham Norton, where celebrities, just like us normal people, can have a drink and swear a little bit. In America even word “swallow” has to be beeped out, as it might be taken in wrong way. At least that’s how that boy explained it. When asked about Amy Schumer, he said: It’s just… tasteless. For a woman to talk like that, joke like that.

It’s 2018. We stand together for gender equality and at the same time chick from Long Island joking about a stranger going down on her being a hero is an issue for us? I work in a shop and every day I see guys literally scratching their balls in public, talking about girls in an objectifying way. But boys will be boys I guess, just like haters gonna hate or something. Unless we change the way we raise them, together with the way we raise girls. Hopefully your daughters will be able to say whatever they want to say – without being judged as women.

Today I had a chance to attend a pre-screening of Amy’s new movie I Feel Pretty (in cinemas May 4) somewhere in Odeon outside Glasgow City Centre. I won’t tell you where exactly because during the journey I was too busy pretending I’m Ariana Grande while her new song was playing, and I didn’t pay attention to the road.

If you feel like I’m kinda right, but at the same time don’t like explicit and vulgar humour – you should give Amy Schumer a chance and go see her new movie. I feel pretty is a HardSwearingAndDirectSexualTermsAndReferences-free comedy about a girl named Renee.

NYC based girl works in some shitty office, lives in one of those you can do better hun apartments and struggles with low self esteem. Living in the world full of perfect people while having a few extra lbs/kgs to cuddle can, indeed, be quite depressing. In order to become someone, she joins this gym nearby. What happens there? She suffers head injury after falling down from this bicycle thing. That’s why you’ll never see me at the gym. I’m fine with my 56 kilograms, thank you.

But wow, she hits her head really hard and suddenly starts seeing herself as a new person, hot as a supermodel, even though she, obviously, hasn’t changed at all. Extra (ridiculous and psychotic) confidence boost opens a lot of new doors for her. Except for talking to a stranger she met in the queue at Dry Cleaners, forcing him to ask her out and making him fall in love with her, she also proves that with enough confidence you can be like Beyoncé too! Despite being far from typical canons of beauty, Renee gets a job at one of the leading beauty companies and starts hanging out with them pretty girls.

I don’t feel like it’s my job to describe this film to you. That’s what Google and Wikipedia are for. I’m writing this to share my point of view on something I consider very important.

People were laughing. I tend to sit down with a bottle glass of wine after work, watch Amy’s comedy and post some on my Instagram story. I always get replies: omg she’s so unfunny. And suddenly I’m there sitting around all these people who are outside of ideological YouTube comment section battle, and hear them laugh.

Maybe Schumer chilled with using very explicit language and humour in this one, but there’s one thing this film and her stand up have in common – incredibly funny self-body shaming. Doesn’t sound good, but is good and can do good for you.

As soon as we understand what’s wrong with us and turn it into a joke – everything seems easier. Because nobody’s flawless. Well, maybe Beyonce…